I recently wrote a post about my
undertaking of learning how to set boundaries. As I have ventured
down this road, I have spent some time thinking about my own
childhood, as well as my son and children in general. I know that for
me, I did not learn to set boundaries as a child and therefore did
not learn that my boundaries deserve to be respected. I learned to
please those around me, and somehow thought that was the way to being
loved. I can see clearly how I have found myself in this space, now
learning as an adult to set essential boundaries and honor my truth.
As I think about my son, I know that I
want him to not only learn to set boundaries, but also to feel safe
in doing so. I want him to know that he will be loved for who he is,
honoring his truth and taking care of his own needs. As I have
thought about this, I have found myself considering the word “No”
and the way we treat that word as parents. Our children learn to say
no rather early on, and for a while it may seem for some kids that
this is the only word that they can speak. For parents, this can be
frustrating and overwhelming. Over time, the obsession with the word
“no” may fade, but the importance of it should not.
What is the importance of saying no?
When our children are saying no, it is
there communication to us that their inner self is not in agreement
with our request or our direction. They are making an attempt at
living their truth and standing up for it. Now of course, we as
parents need to make judgment calls at times and keep our children
safe and protected. We can’t always allow everything our child’s
inner self is requesting as we would then be eating cookies for
dinner, staying awake until we literally fall on the floor, and
probably walking around pretty dirty!! We do though need to truly
listen to our children and what they are saying. We need to
understand that allowing them to say no is a valuable teaching tool.
Find the opportunities to allow your
children to say no.
Through allowing our children to say no
we teach them how to set boundaries. They are able to learn an
effective way to communicate to others how they feel on the inside.
They learn that it is ok to disagree or not go along with the status
quo of the home, and that they will still be loved and accepted. By
our allowing the word no, we also have this beautiful opportunity to
show our children that we respect them and trust in their own
abilities to know what is best for them. They learn what it feels
like to have their boundaries respected. After all, we want to teach
them to listen to their inner voice, rather than to ignore it.
As our children say no, let’s take a
moment to step back to evaluate the situation and what it is they are
saying no to. Listen to them and what they are attempting to
communicate to you, rather than immediately jumping to disagree with
them. Let’s give them the opportunity to tune into their inner
voice, set their boundaries, and feel respect and love.
Jennifer Laurent
Jennifer Laurent wears many hats
as a single mother, life coach, author, and yoga instructor.
Everyday, she looks to live her life in a conscientious way, and she
strives to help others live a conscious life too. In her first book,
Excerpts from the
Heart of a Mom, Jennifer
presents her readers with fundamental insights on her approach to
“conscious parenting.” In it, she identifies concepts that can
be applied to a broad range of parenting styles that help children
stay positively connected to their core.
“LiveThroughTheHeart.com” is
Jennifer’s companion website where she blogs about her personal
life experiences and provides inspirational messages of conscious
living. Through her writings and poignant photography, she shares
her life coaching skills with her readers as she encourages them to
embrace their own life’s journey.
Born and raised in Rockland
County, NY, Jennifer earned a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from
Dominican College, and a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work from
New York University. Over the years, Jennifer has worked as a rape
crisis counselor, provided therapy for struggling families and helped
those dependent on drug and alcohol. She has also experienced trauma
in the Emergency Room as a social worker, working in that field for
more than five years both in New York and Southern California.
A certified Life Coach, Jennifer
is also a certified yoga instructor and enjoys practicing on a daily
basis. She regularly challenges her personal growth through
meditation, facing her fears, and helping others. Her all-time
favorite pastime is hanging out with her five-year-old son. In
addition to enjoying life with her little guy, she is a fitness
fanatic, a passionate poetry writer, and loves to travel to
intriguing locales whenever possible.
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